Scholars' Interpretation: Foreplay - an important sunnah during sex
Sometimes a hadith is not saheeh but its meaning is saheeh.
It is attributed to Prophet peace be upon him:
لا ترتموا على نسائكم كالبهائم ، بل اجعلوا بينكم و بينهم رسولاً ” فقيل: و ما هو الرسول يا رسول الله؟ فاجاب: القبلة
None of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you. The Companions exclaimed, What is that messenger? The Prophet (peace be upon him) replied, Kisses and (romantic) words!
[Reported by Al-Daylami, al Albani said it is Munkar in Silsilah Daifa no. 6075, al Iraqi said: Munkar in Takhreej al Ihya 2/50]
The meaning of the hadith is saheeh.
a) al Ghazali mentioned this hadith of the topic and said:
ثم إذا قضى وطره فليتمهل على أهله حتى تقضي هي أيضاً نَهْمتها ؛ فإن إنزالها ربما يتأخر فتَهيجُ شهوتُها ، ثم القعود عنها إيذاءٌ لها ، والاختلاف في طبع الإنزال يوجب التنافر مهما كان الزوج سابقاً إلى الإنزال ، والتوافق في وقت الإنزال ألذ عندها ، ولا يشتغل الرجل بنفسه عنها فإنها ربما تستحي .
When his semen comes out let him keep his body over her until her semen comes out as well because (sometimes) her semen comes out late. It will be painful for her to be separated from the husband when her sexual desire is high.
[Ihya Uloom al Din ( 2 / 50 )]
b) Ibn al Qayyim said:
وممَّا ينبغى تقديُمُه على الجِماع : ملاعبةُ المرأة ، وتقبيلُها ، ومصُّ لِسانها ، وكان رسول الله صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يُلاعبُ أهله ، ويُقَبلُها .
He should fondle his wife first before having sex by kissing her and sucking her tongue. The Prophet peace be upon him used to fondle and kiss his wives.
[Zaad al Maad 4/253]
c) Ibn Hajr al asqalani commented on the statement of the Prophet peace be upon him "Why didn't you marry a young girl (Virgin) so that you may play with her and she with you?"
وفيه إشارة إلى مص لسانها ورشف شفتيها ، وذلك يقع عند الملاعبة والتقبيل ، وليس هو ببعيد كما قال القرطبي ،
"It refers to sucking her tongue and lips, and this happens when playing with one's wife and kissing her, so this meaning is very possible as al Qurtubi mentioned". [Fath al Bari, Kitab an Nikah under the hadith 5079-5080]
d) Imam Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
: " ويستحب أن يلاعِب امرأته قبل الجماع ؛ لتنهض شهوتُها ، فتنال من لذة الجماع مثل ما ناله "
It is mustahabb to engage in foreplay with one’s wife before having intercourse and to arouse her desire, so that she will get the same enjoyment from intercourse as he does. [Al-Mughni, 8/136]
e) Allama al-Munawi (Allah have mercy on him) states:
المرأة التي قعد لها يريد جماعها وأخذوا منه أنه يسن مؤكدا تقديم المداعبة والتقبيل ومص اللسان على الجماع وكرهوا خلافه
“Foreplay, kissing and sucking the tongue before sexual intercourse is a sunnah muakadah, and it is disliked (makruh) to do otherwise.” (Faidh al-Qadir, 5/90, Shamela See: Hadith no. 6536)
f) Great scholars said it is Mustahab to fondle and caress i.e. foreplay before having sex.
The scholars include
al Nawawi [Rawdha tul Talibeen 7/207].
Ibn al Haaj [al Madkhal 2/185]
al San`ani [al Tanveer Sharah Jame al Sagheer 8/312]
Compiled by: Asim ul Haq
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